The Carpet Fitter

The Carpet Fitter


Eddie was a carpet fitter, and he hated it. For ten years he had spent his days sitting, squatting, kneeling or crawling on floors, in houses, offices, shops, factories and restaurants. Ten years of his life, cutting and fitting carpets for other people to walk on, without even seeing them. When his work was done, no-one ever appreciated it. No- one ever said "Oh, that's a beautiful job, the carpet fits so neatly." They just walked all over it. Eddie was sick of it.
He was especially sick of it on this hot, humid day in August, as he worked to put the finishing touches to today's job. He was just cutting and fixing the last edge on a huge red carpet which he had fitted in the living room of Mrs. Vanbrugh's house. Rich Mrs. Vanbrugh, who changed her carpets every year, and always bought the best. Rich Mrs. Vanbrugh, who had never even given him a cup of tea all day, and who made him go outside when he wanted to smoke. Ah well, it was four o'clock and he had nearly finished. At least he would be able to get home early today. He began to day-dream about the weekend, about the Saturday football game he always played for the local team, where he was known as "Ed the Head" for his skill in heading goals from corner kicks.
Eddie sat back and sighed. The job was done, and it was time for a last cigarette. He began tapping the pockets of his overalls, looking for the new packet of Marlboro he had bought that morning. They were not there.
It was as he swung around to look in his toolbox for the cigarettes that Eddie saw the lump. Right in the middle of the brand new bright red carpet, there was a lump. A very visible lump. A lump the size of -- the size of a packet of cigarettes.
"Blast!" said Eddie angrily. "I've done it again! I've left the cigarettes under the blasted carpet!"
He had done this once before, and taking up and refitting the carpet had taken him two hours. Eddie was determined that he was not going to spend another two hours in this house. He decided to get rid of the lump another way. It would mean wasting a good packet of cigarettes, nearly full, but anything was better than taking up the whole carpet and fitting it again. He turned to his toolbox for a large hammer.
Holding the hammer, Eddie approached the lump in the carpet. He didn't want to damage the carpet itself, so he took a block of wood and placed it on top of the lump. Then he began to beat the block of wood as hard as he could. He kept beating, hoping Mrs. Vanbrugh wouldn't hear the noise and come to see what he was doing. It would be difficult to explain why he was hammering the middle of her beautiful new carpet.
After three or four minutes, the lump was beginning to flatten out. Eddie imagined the cigarette box breaking up, and the crushed cigarettes spreading out under the carpet. Soon, he judged that the lump was almost invisible. Clearing up his tools, he began to move the furniture back into the living room, and he was careful to place one of the coffee tables over the place where the lump had been, just to make sure that no-one would see the spot where his cigarettes had been lost. Finally, the job was finished, and he called Mrs. Vanbrugh from the dining room to inspect his work.
"Yes, dear, very nice," said the lady, peering around the room briefly. "You'll be sending me a bill, then?"
"Yes madam, as soon as I report to the office tomorrow that the job is done." Eddie picked up his tools, and began to walk out to the van. Mrs. Vanbrugh accompanied him. She seemed a little worried about something.
"Young man," she began, as he climbed into the cab of his van, laying his toolbox on the passenger seat beside him, "while you were working today, you didn't by any chance see any sign of Armand, did you? Armand is my parakeet. A beautiful bird, just beautiful, such colors in his feathers... I let him out of his cage, you see, this morning, and he's disappeared. He likes to walk around the house, and he's so good, he usually just comes back to his cage after an hour or so and gets right in. Only today he didn't come back. He's never done such a thing before, it's most peculiar..."
"No, madam, I haven't seen him anywhere," said Eddie, as he reached to start the van.
And saw his packet of Marlboro cigarettes on the dashboard, where he had left it at lunchtime....
And remembered the lump in the carpet....
And realised what the lump was....
And remembered the hammering....
And began to feel rather sick....

(MDH 1994 -- from a common urban legend)

PART ONE: Answer the following questions

1.Why did Eddie hate being a carpet-fitter?

a)The pay was too low.
b)He didn't like working alone.
c)No-one appreciated his work.
d)He couldn't smoke on the job.

2. What did Eddie think of Mrs. Vanbrugh?

a)She was a kind, thoughtful lady.
b)She was rich and selfish.
c)She was always losing things.
d)She had good taste in furniture.

3. Why was Eddie called "Ed the Head" by his friends?

a)Because he was such an intelligent carpet-fitter.
b)Because he had a large head.
c)Because he was very proud and self-important.
d)Because of his footballing skills.

4. What did Eddie want to do when he had finished fitting the carpet?

a)have a cigaretteb)hammer the carpet flat
c)look for Mrs. Vanbrugh's lost bird
d)start work in the dining room

5. Why didn't Eddie remove the carpet to take out the thing that was causing the lump?

a)He couldn't take the carpet up once he had fitted it.
b)He didn't need the cigarettes because he had some more in the van.
c)It would take too long to remove the carpet and re-fit it.
d)He intended to come back and remove the lump the next day.

6. What did Eddie do with the hammer?

a)hammered nails into the lump
b)fixed the coffee table
c)left it under the carpet
d)flattened the carpet

7. What was Mrs. Vanbrugh worried about?

a)Her bird was missing.b)She thought the carpet was going to be too expensive.
c)She thought Eddie had been smoking in the house.
d)She couldn't find her husband Armand.

8. What was really under the carpet?

a)the cigarettes
b)Eddie's toolbox
c)nothing
d)the missing bird

9. "Eddie was determined...." means that he:

a)had no idea
b)decided for sure
c)felt very angry
d)couldn't decide

10. "Peculiar" in the sentence "He's never done such a thing before, it's most peculiar..." means:
a)normal
b)like a bird
c)difficult
d)strange


PART TWO: Type the correct form of the word in brackets on the line.

1. Eddie didn't enjoy _______to be__________ (be) a carpet fitter.
2. He disliked _______Working_________ (work) for Mrs Vanbrugh.
3. As a football player, Eddie was very good at ______heading____ (head) the ball.
4. Eddie expected ____to find_______ (find) his cigarettes in his pocket.
5. After he had finished work, Eddie was shocked ____seeing_ (see) a lump in the carpet.
6. He considered _____to take_______ (take) up the carpet again, but decided it would be too much trouble.
7. Thinking the lump was only his packet of cigarettes, he decided __to hammer_ (hammer) it flat.
8. He kept ____hitting_____ (hit) the lump until it was flat.
9. After some hammering, the lump began _________to get_______ (get) flatter.
10. Eddie worked quickly because he didn't want Mrs Vanbrugh to see him _hammering_____ (hammer) the carpet.